Monday, March 13, 2017

The Big Skinny



What a bunch of fucking bullshit.  I don't even have to get up at a certain hour and this time shift has ruined me.  I'm sure that a significant amount of the blame goes to my constant worrying about it.  Anxiety, sure.  I didn't sleep for shit last night and now this morning I am a lump of dough.

Speaking of which, today begins "The Big Skinny."  I already doubt that I can do it.  Do it?  I doubt that I can even start.  Oh. . . I've begun.  I had to drink a glass of warm lemon water this morning.  Ili says that this will do something to my metabolism and help detox my liver.  O.K.  That part is easy.  The hard part comes tonight.  Eating from the outside aisles of the grocery store and drinking soda water.

What a bunch of fucking bullshit.

I am trying to imagine the mysticism of a good cup of hot tea.  Herbs.  Mmmm.  They will make more aware, more in tune with things.  I will begin to commune with the stars, understand horoscopes.

Etc.

I will never look good again.  I am in for a huge disappointment.

But away we go!

See that girl in the picture?  She is on stilts.  Look at the people around her.  She is not really ten feet tall.  She doesn't have to try to stay slim.  She can't afford to eat and drink.  Skinny is just a way of life.  Maybe she believes in the mysticism of tea.  I don't know.  She probably can read a palm like a road map.  Ultimately, I hope to look like her.

Like the comedian said, though, putting tits on Bruce Jenner didn't make him smart.

But I am here too long on a truncated morning.  I have to get through my usual routine in half the time on very little rocket fuel.  Finger crossed and wish me luck.  I'll keep you informed.

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