Monday, May 6, 2019

A Little Progress



I had a big weekend of ups and downs about life and health and other things, if there are any other things.  Came a point where I was low, especially about what has happened to me.  After trying to work out and swim for days in a row, I was sore and probably sick again with something that I didn't recognize as I have been sick with a cough for weeks.  But yesterday I had a breakthrough.

I did a pushup!

Not a big deal for you, I know, but I have been waiting for this moment.  I did one and was scared that my shoulder would fall apart right there and then.  So I did another one.  It doesn't feel right or good, but maybe. . . .  Pushups and the pool.  I felt myself on a roll.

I have been eating differently, switching to more grains and vegetables and nuts, eschewing beef and pork in favor of chicken but mostly fish.  Ili was away for the weekend, and this morning while hugging me in bed, she said I felt thinner.  I think I am.  Now if I can cut back on the alcohol calories, who knows.  Maybe two pushups?  Maybe a couple laps of dog paddling?

On the down side, I took my cameras out with me yesterday.  Thought I might wander into a crowd, make some photographs.

It didn't happen.  I am unable to face that.  I drove through interesting crowds downtown, but couldn't force myself to stop, get out, walk with camera.  I ate lunch in a cafe off the Boulevard.  The street was covered in teenage girls wearing their most revealing post-MeToo garb.  I felt like Humbert Humbert.

I never touched my camera.

I'm just not ready to take a beating yet, I think.  I don't want to get griped at let alone really confronted.

I guess I'll go back to photographing garbage cans.  They hardly complain, and while they bring no accolades, they don't get me into much trouble, either.

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