Those images of Haiti do not tell you much. It is unimaginable there. No matter what you think, there is despair beyond the things you can make up. Not intermittently. Every minute without thinking that it is going to end, because minute leads to minute leads to interminable minute, on and on, day after day until that is all there is, just that.
But we all suffer something horrible some time, and the suffering in Haiti does not mitigate our own. There is no shortage of it. There is more than enough to go around.
I think of the horror in Haiti, but I cannot sustain it, my mind returning to itself. "I will go to Haiti," I tell myself, "and I will help to build a house." Well intentioned, I feel a release.
A friend called. He has lost his job, lost his home, and then gone mad. How will he pick up the pieces? How will he ever get back to where he was?
The title of a book I read long ago keeps running through me: "I Would Have Saved Them If I Could."
After the loss in Massachusetts -- the Supreme Court ruling yesterday that officially made us the Corporation of States -- after days and days of Haiti
ReplyDelete(I'm going to adopt several orphans, I tell myself or get in touch with the guy who made inflatable homes -- the guy I read about in the Optimist magazine) and find out why he isn't sending them to Haiti-- I woke up today -- another day of drain -- I want to give up I said to a new friend at work yesterday -- just go to sleep and never wake up. He gave me his hand and said don't despair. I cried right there at my desk -- wished I didn't care. I want to be selfish I want to cheer money and turn my head from the suffering. Go on vacations and buy things ... but no It fucking isn't in me. My mother tells me all the time I have issues "find a rich man" she says.
*hug*
Write the book. I'll read it from cover to cover over and over.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O2vJUadjdmo&feature=fvw
L, nice video < l: ), I'll steal from it. And I agree with your mother (about the rich man).
ReplyDeleteI used to feel guilty for not liking Mother Teresa. Then I read an article or heard somebody say (I can't remember) that Princess Diana was more of a saint because she did the acts of charity out of the goodness of her heart whereas Teresa was just doing her job. After Teresa died, her writings were released, and it seems she was bad at believing and had much difficulty with faith. She had struggled with that all her life, and in the end said she could find nothing to convince her.
After that, Teresa was my hero. Funny how things go.
I'm glad you gave Mother Teresa a break...I think she deserves it. I used to feel the same way as you about her...it is funny how things go.
ReplyDeleteWhat a great resource!
ReplyDelete