Away

Originally Posted Wednesday, May 29, 2013

I'm going out of town for a few days, so I must write tonight if I am going to write at all.  If you are at all like me, you will understand that I have a thousand things to do in the morning before I can go.  There will be no time for reflection and relentless introspection. 

Some of you will be happy to know that I do not think I am dying really rapidly but that it will take some miserably painful time.  My stomach is not right yet, though it is better, and my body only aches about half as much as when I was devastated.  If you remember from the last blog my report some years ago that my eye exploded. . . no, probably nobody remembers that.  But it did and has several times since.  No doctor, no retinologist that I have been to has said he could do anything to help me.  Now I have chunks of the lining of my eyeballs floating around in such quantity that it is often difficult for me to see clearly.  Quite a disadvantage for someone playing at being a visual artist.  As the world recedes, I become more content in my own environment, so traveling tomorrow will be quite an event.  One day, I won't be able to see clearly enough to even read, I think.  Reading is often difficult for me now.  So in case you have been wondering why I am so enamored of my photography. . . well, perhaps now you have your answer.  It looks beautiful to someone who can hardly see. 

And about that, I want to tell you something.  There are software products to make photographs look like all the wonderful things you see.  There are products to smooth skin and make it glow.  There is software to change focus and depth of field.  There are color-enhancers.  You don't get any of that with my photos.  You cannot buy software to do what I do.  I have seen discussion boards on websites arguing about how I get my look.  It is not in a can.  Oh. . . don't let me play total hero. . . I have worked out some "formulas" in what I do, but it is very mechanical and not like hitting some dials on a software program. 

But this week, I am shooting with film, and I am shooting outside.  There should be some results soon. 

I used to love to travel so.  I wanted to be anywhere that was not here.  Now. . . it seems difficult.  There is so much to take care of.  Especially the cat.  She will miss me and go into a severe depression. Why does she do that?  Why does she lay all this guilt upon me?  I leave it to my mother to take care of her while I am gone.  Good luck to you, cat.  Good luck to you.