Bad Travel

Originally Posted Friday, June 7, 2013

Up at four, shower, no coffee, into the cab.  You would think the airport would be empty before dawn, but there is no getting through security easily.  Two flights, stopping in Dallas.  I sleep sitting up on each.  The Santa Fe Airport is one room.  I get my car and head into town.  It is early, so I don't go to the hotel, but I drive by.  It is just off the interstate.  It looks depressing, a big, unattractive place on a giant parking lot connected to a cancer center, an  Office Max, and an Albertsons.  I head to the center of town.  I go to a restaurant C.C. tells me to go to for breakfast, Tia Sophia's.  I have huevos rancheros with green and red sauce.  I am exhausted.  I try to get my bearings.  I wander around the main square.  Touristy.  There are Injuns galore sitting on the sidewalk selling jewelry.  People mingle about, but it is not crowded.  I spend the rest of the day going from gallery to gallery.  The art in Santa Fe is. . . just awful.  Here and there a good piece surprises, but this is similar to Asheville, N.C.  The galleries are endless. 

The afternoon wears on and I wear out.  I stop to have a glass of wine at a tea house.  The selection of tea is astounding.  I have a glass of Italian Gavi instead.  It is good.  I find the car and drive to Photo Eye Bookstore and Gallery.  It is O.K. but I am tired.  I drive to the hotel. 

It is everything I thought and less.  I have the front door open so I can look out at the traffic that drives by.  The people staying here make me sad.  I am morbidly depressed.  I want to cry.  I do not want to live this way.  There are noseeums in the room.  I itch.  Fuck this.  I start calling around to some b&bs.  They are three and four times the price of my room.  What to do?  Most of them don't have a room available for next week.  Suddenly, I hate being alone.  The sky clouds up and the wind howls and it begins to rain.  I am seriously depressed and don't know what will make me feel better.  I need water.  I need food.  But I am becoming catatonic.  There is internet that doesn't work.  It takes four minutes to pull up my site.  I don't know if I will be able to post or not, but I certainly won't be surfing the internet for hotels. 

I go to the Albertsons to get some water.  The store is dim and unattractive.  It seems dirty.  It confuses me and I forget why I came.  Water, yes.  I get water and some nuts and some shampoo and conditioner.  Milk.  Chocolate milk.  I walk out into the parking lot and cannot remember where I put my car.  I walk around looking for it.  It is a Chrysler.  Shit.  I walk the rows again.  I see one that is gray like mine, but it looks too old and shitty.  Nope.  It is the right one.  I didn't realize how ugly the car I am driving was.  I'll know now.  I'll be able to find it. 

I will leave this town for Taos tomorrow.  Two nights there.  Tomorrow I will feel better, I tell myself.  I have been sick all day, tired and weak.  Every step has echoed in my right ear that will not clear.  I feel uncertain, timid. 

It is still early here, only seven.  I will go and find some food and a liquor store.  I will try to sleep with the noseeums tonight and the sound of cars revving their engines.  I am too tired to read but that is all there is to do.  The light fades.  I must go.