Emily Ratajkowski

Originally Posted Saturday, July 13, 2013

O.K.  I've done everything I can do.  I have arranged to shoot at the 24x20 studio in NYC.  I have a professional art director who works for the slicks and an important backdrop maker on board to do the set.  I have held back on contacting the Ricco Maresca Gallery in Chelsea about it, but I have contacts.  I've gotten word to her friends (and perhaps agent) in L.A.  But I still haven't heard anything from Emily Ratajkowski or her people.  Short of offering her the sort of money she is used to--I wonder how much that might be?--(which doesn't matter because I don't have it anyway), I don't know what else I can do.  It is hard to hustle up a project like this from the southern sticks.  I don't have a contact number or I might get drunk one night and call her. 

"Hello, Emily?  Yes, this is C.S.  The Factory Foreman?  I think someone might have mentioned me.  No?  Well, I was wondering, doll. . . ." 

I am feeling small. 

If you don't remember who she is, here is a new cut of the Robin Thicke video that is all Ratajowski all the time (link). 

I worked in the studio yesterday and none--not one--of my experiments or ideas worked.  I am going back today for round three, but I am beginning to burn out on it.  I am good with ideas but I am not the most patient nor dextrous fellow in the world.  I have an undergraduate degree in zoology, but I don't know how.  I was the worst person ever at dissection.  Cutting things the proper way took way too long, so I would try to hurry or take a shortcut.  My specimens looked like they had been blasted with a shotgun rather than dissected.  In chemistry labs, I would get bored and not pay attention and I would titrate too much of what I shouldn't have.  In genetics, we were given a term project to figure out the genotypes of the two drosophila we were given.  They mated and before the eggs hatched, we had to get rid of them so that they wouldn't mate with their offspring.  That would mess the whole experiment up.  The next generation then matured and went at it like fruit flies.  Repeat.  Had to kill all the second generation before they mated with the third.  Somewhere before the end of the term, though, I didn't go to school on a Saturday to off a generation.  Oops.  I got by, though.  I called two girls in my class whose flies I surreptitiously found out had the same genotype parents just to see if their results were the same as mine.  They were very forthcoming. 

It is for the same reason I have people to clean my house.  I can't even make a bed properly.  In the morning, all I have ever done is throw the covers back up and try to smooth them out a bit.  It is embarrassing. 

So. . . this isn't working in my experiments in the studio.  I approximate amounts and times where I probably should be precise.  Those of you who are precise will never understand approximators like me.  Apparently "approximator" is not a word.  It makes the point, though.  I am performing my theory. 

Emily, if you are a big fan of this blog, just contact me through my gmail account.  I will make the loveliest pictures of you that you will ever see.  We could do it for a charity of your choice. 

I'll wait to hear from you.