Sweet, Desirous, and Oh-So Alone

Originally Posted Tuesday, November 26, 2013

I am certainly glad I bought the little Nikon I VI camera for a small price instead of the Fuji or the Leica which I wanted so, for I have not used it as I should, and I would not have used the others either.  Selah.  I have saved myself a ton of money.  It is the cutest camera imaginable, too.  But so it goes. 

Perhaps because it is the holidays, I don't hear from many people anymore.  The blog is dead, of course, as it seems all blogs are, but my email is dead as well.  If I were on FaceBook, of course. . . though Instigram is better than that now, even more so, maybe, than Twitter.  But I have none of those things, so I guess you could say I've "self-selected" out.  Alright, then. 

After work, I went for a long walk.  It was not late, but the sun sets so early that I felt a need to hurry.  As I walked across Country Club College, I saw a bunch of girls playing kickball on the lawn.  It seemed to be organized, one sorority facing off with another.  It seemed official, too.  They had a smallish ball of the size I'd not seen before, an Official Kickball, I guess.  I was desirous of all that fun.  I wanted to stop and watch, but I was in an unfortunate hurry and went on my way.  But Jesus de Christo, to be in college and have the time to play kickball.  It is all I wanted just then.  It seemed the Sport of Queens.  And as an Old Queen myself. . . .

But there is happiness all about if one wants to see it.  It is in the leisure classes, of course.  I shall write an ode to them, those of leisure, full of admiration and envy.  Did you know that great wealth can buy youth?  That is nothing if not true. 

But I am in my cups tonight and face a week of Thanksgiving with mom and me, just two, and the hopelessness I might feel about the future.  I'm sure my mother feels it, too.  I have been a failure and have produced no offspring to distract her.  By now she should have grandchildren.  But I. . . I am still running around with 20-somethings, a decision that does not fill her with peace.  How do I do it, I wonder, so broken to pieces as I am?  Perhaps one of them who reads this blog can speak to my especial charms. 

I'll tell you my secret, though.  It has been thus since ages hence.  I am sweet.  It is true.  I am rough and dangerous (in a town full of brokers), but full of sweet and desirous love.  Ask them.  You will see. 

But that's enough about me for the night.  I must go and read now so that I can continue to be that well-rounded person I adore.  The holidays are upon us, and I must recreate.  I will record it, too.  You shall see. 

But we need a soundtrack for it all.  I'll give you my latest.  You will see (link). 

Oh, yea. . . thanks Q. 

And oh, yea. . . fuck YouTube.