The 5 Ws

Originally Posted Friday, January 24, 2014

I got an email from the Lensbaby people two days ago that intrigued me.  I have several of their lenses, have been buying them from the get-go when they were pretty cheap and weird.  I just liked the idea of a tilt/shift lens on a digital camera.  I get them and I use them for a day or two, then I get tired of them and take them off the camera and never put them back on.  But I got intrigued again and went to their site and watched some of the videos explaining their products, and I got excited for a new product.  I couldn't remember, though, what I had.  The new lens needs to be mounted onto an older model bracket.  I had to go to the studio to root around.  I found some of the Lensbaby products I have, and I found the one I needed.  There are more, God knows where. 

I brought the lens home and put it on my camera and took some pictures around the house and some pictures of the cat.  I do not control the lens well, always doing too much, going too far.  I am going to leave it on the camera, though, this weekend and photograph with it only.  If I take pictures at all.  But I've already decided I need the new product and will order it today.  I will never use it if history is a predictor, or rather I will use it for a day.  I am that way. 

If I take pictures at all, as I say.  I am in a dangerous place right now.  I must get my body and my wits about me again.  I need some redefining.  The life I have been enjoying so much seems somehow to have slipped away.  Those things happen, of course, and what was is irretrievable.  It is important to know that or you will make mistake after mistake, ad infinitum.  It is time to ask myself the journalistic questions.  Who am I? What am I?  Where am I?  Why am I?  When? 

Jesus Christ, that's a lot of work.  I need a reporter. 

A weekend isn't enough time to answer all those questions, of course.  But it is a place to start.  Last night, the breakdown began, I think.  Of course it didn't begin last night.  It just became manifest. 

It begins the day you are born. 

I'll just change my mind about what makes me happy, about what I want.  I'll try to forget what I deserve.