Giving Back the Apple

Originally Posted Tuesday, April 1, 2014

I am going to cancel my knee surgery today.  I've been wresting with the idea since I booked it a week ago, and I am still uncertain.  One should not be uncertain on an issue like this.  I can always reschedule it, and that is the key.  It is more than indecisiveness.  I think I can rehab it on my own.  I want to continue to try.  There is like a fifty-fifty chance that the surgery will let me run anyway, and new studies show that going under anesthesia is worse for you than they thought.  There is a link between anesthesia and Alzheimer's.  It is a tough decision, but it feels right.  The other doesn't.  I think I am being prudent. 

Without new pictures, I pull from the old.  I look at this image and wish that the model's elbow was bent further to make the photo a bit more dynamic.  If you think I just take pictures of naked girls, you are wrong.  I take pictures of shapes and forms and textures.  The nakedness is simply a thematic bonus that takes us back to something purer and more destructive at once, the end of Eden.  Would you, if you could, go back to the garden and end all your sensual excitement?  Would you be willing, once tasted, to give back the apple?  Shall I try?  Shall I forget the unconscious sensuality of childhood, the drowsy sexuality of youth, the excitable carnality of an early adult?  Shall I live in old man's clothing my thoughts as dry as dust?  When I close my eyes at night, shall I dream of catching marlin in a river in the sea or tigers in red weather? 

Shall I love my jailers, those who have put me into voluntarily slavery?  I can't, but I must go quickly answer the old factory whistle. . .

far and. . .
  weeeeee.