Saturday, May 18, 2019
All the Way
I have always been a wallflower with confidence, silly as that may sound. The confidence came from reading more, knowing more, working harder, etc. The wallflower stuff came from my basic insecurities. I don't want people looking at me. I love a stage. Dichotomies, I know. It boils down to not wanting to win but desiring to place.
Winning takes too much effort.
But I've always placed. I was always in the upper 90th percentile.
The hardest part of coming back from the accident is placing. I am old, so it sucks not to have confidence.
Ili is young and pretty, and now when we go out, all the boys and girls are flirting with her. Where's mine?
"Does anyone ever ask you if you're her father?"
"Ah, I just kiss her big on the lips and tell them I'm her uncle. We're very close."
But I got into the pool and moved my hands about to exercise my shoulder. I tread water and dog paddled and pretend-swam in the shallow end. It seems to be working.
I did three push ups in a row without a break.
I'm trying. But as Dylan said, "You can always come back, but you can't come back all the way."
And he has the Nobel.