Look at that! 4x5 color film that I shot on the big assed Liberator and processed myself! What? Could I have done that with a digital camera? Uh. . . probably. But it wouldn't have cost anything. This film is now costing me $6/sheet. And the effort of making the photo would not have been there. Hauling that big f'ing camera around isn't really fun. But. . . look at that! I did that all on my own. No labs. I can shoot 4x5 color film in the morning and scan it that night. Not quite instant, but quick.
It's stupid, I know, but it somehow feels special. And truly, this was merely a test shot to see how I could handle 4x5 color. I am going to lunch today with C.C. and another friend from the factory, and I will make a photo of them in the parking lot of the restaurant. Excited? You will never see the photo. Still. . . it is a test I hope to pass. My guess is that people won't get excited about some dude photographing them with a digital camera, but with a big assed weird one. . . maybe. It IS somehow special.
I hope, anyway. I am preparing to become more aggressive about photographing people. . . I think. The most challenging thing is me and my cojones. Mine seem to have shriveled, and it will take a big set of pumpkins to approach strangers for a portrait. Not random, really, but for my long-intended "American Work/American Leisure" series.
Yea, yea, yea.
But I am still considering buying a "medium format" digital camera. Can you help? Sure you can. Just leave your pledge dollars in the comment box.
Maybe I should start a "Go Fund Me" page.
But I'll need some photos and a photo webpage first. There is so much to be done.
Or. . . I could just use my phone.
My thinking on this, though, is that people won't line up to have their pictures taken with my iPhone. It is a shame, really.
My sleep mechanism seems to be broken. For the second night in a row, I woke up every hour and finally gave up and got out of bed at 4:30. I don't mind getting up early. I just would like to sleep uninterrupted. I don't know what's changed. Or maybe I do.
Leaving the Crypt of the Living Dead has taken a lot of physical and emotional energy. I've had to make big changes, all on a bad knee. The steroid shot has not cured me. The lightning bolts of pain are gone, for the most part, but the constant pain is still there. I limp and cannot walk very well or far. My longing to go to visit my friend in Yosemite is now merely a longing. I need to get this taken care of soon. Knee replacement total recovery is around three months, I think. I need to be able to walk far and wide with big ass cameras. I want to travel. Travel will cure much of my emotional and mental anguish, I hypothesize. Without a good knee, I cannot really get far from the crypt.
What I need to know, however. . . is there really a good reason for living?
But that is a bigger question for other times. First, I need to sleep.
Dry January is over and done. I got a text from my buddy last night. "We did it!" she said. We were the only two that I know who made it. I may have a glass of wine at lunch today. . . but I don't know. I feel so clean and pure right now, so utterly. . . something. I'm afraid, however, if I continue on, I will become righteous. And you know what they say--God loves a sinner.
I hope and pray.
Daylight approaches, a mere 45 minutes away. What to do? Well. . . there are other things to write, and I have plenty of scanning that needs to be done. Let me hear from you. Any contribution will help, but as always, the bigger the better.
For now, I remain yours in loving friendship. . . C.S.