In looking back through the blog, I was startled at how little difference it made which camera I used to capture an image. Indeed, I may like the iPhone pictures more than the others, though I have not come to a definite conclusion about that. Film is nice for black and white, but so is my Leica M Monochrome. And though I still love black and white photos, I found myself looking at the color pictures more. The color photos were mostly digital, but the medium format film images were sometimes very nice. Slide film images really pop when you get exposures right, but negative film can have a lovely softness.
My conclusion? I don't know. The camera I like to put to my eye and click the shutter most is the Leica M7. What I like shooting least is the iPhone. The camera I like looking through most is the Hasselblad. In the end, I'd have to say don't think about your camera, just take some pictures. There may be a different camera for every project, but you can't be a photographer without making photographs, so if that is your goal, just do it.
Here's a photo I made with the cheapest camera you can buy, a Holga. I like the look of it just fine. It has its own appeal. In the end, I don't think the camera is the main concern. Either you know what you want to photograph or you don't. Obviously during the pandemic, I wanted to photograph something other than my neighborhood, but that is what I had. So I shot.
My intentions are always to go make pictures. I have two things standing in my way at present. The first is needed chores. I got the pressure washer started yesterday, so now I am committed to hours and days of pressure washing and painting. The time is nigh and now I do not want to, but I've put it out there into the cosmos that I was going to, so I feel no choice at this point. I may begin today. I also ordered the mulch for the driveway. It will be delivered on Tuesday. I tell myself, "Once this is all done and over with. . . ."
But the statement will be dependent on my knee. It is as good as the gel shot is going to make it at this point. It is better but not good enough. I will give a photo walk a try, maybe in a different, far away city so that my mental focus is not on going back to the house, to see what I can take.
I have an idea that swimming might help my knee. I think that kicking motion in water just might be the thing. The problem is, I can't swim very well. I have never been a good swimmer. I am made of something dense, apparently, because even with my lungs full of air, I sink like a stone. Now you can say it's because I'm fat, but I've seen fat people float like a cork. And I wasn't always fat, and even then, I wore out shoes, furniture, car seats, etc. at a tremendous rate. After I've owned a car for a year, it leans toward the driver's side. No, I'm not kidding.
Before the accident, Ili and I were at a springs and there was a raft or something across a big boil, and we decided to swim out to it. Jesus, I was floundering, and she was afraid she would have to save me. She said we needed to go back. She was afraid I'd have a heart attack maybe.
After the accident, I could not rotate my shoulder for a very long time. I can somewhat now, and I have gotten in a pool and swum a bit. Maybe I'll need to wear a wet suit for floatation purposes. Ha! But I don't want to go into a pool because it will wreck my expensive hair. My down the street neighbor, a pretty, very fit woman who has blonde hair (like mine) and who swims every day said, "Where a swim cap."
Double ha! You can't believe how I look in a swim cap. Then add my Pantagruel's belly and you have a hideous sight.
My mother tells me to get over myself and get in the pool. Good ol' mom.
* * *
So there was a very non-introspective post. I'll admit to being less than honest with you lately. I have been trying to work through a couple things, and to write about them would not seem comely. Plaintive whining. Abysmal sadness. But I'm being dramatic.
I've been looking back through old photos, and I think I may try some travel posts from the past. I have to get things together, though, as I think about going from my first trips after college graduation forward. I think I can write fun, happy stuff there. And I need to put myself in perspective--to myself--right now. There is much said about living in the moment, about being present, but the "present" isn't giving me what I need right now. I may make videos of my working, though, BBC stuff, for your entertainment.
I have a couple boxes full of old 8mm films from my childhood that I want to digitize and edit, too. I think I am going to buy a machine to do it myself. It is about $300 and if it doesn't satisfy me, I will send it back and take my tapes to one of those places that do it. But, you know, pictures can move.
So the present will be work, and the past will be adventure. I think. Let's see how that shakes out.
Jesus, even then I look a bit sad. Hotel room in some Mexican city after a big climb, me thinking about some gone girl I imagine. The world is hard on love.
Or. . . you know. . . it could just be me.
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