Yesterday was a total wash. I had a therapy session at nine in the morning. FedEx was delivering a package to the house that required me to sign for it. Their messaging said it was put on the truck at 3:30 am and was out for delivery. It should be at my house between ten and two. Big window, but what could I do. Therapy session lasted one hour. I was home by ten. In a little while, I saw the FedEx truck. Man, what luck. Only it went to the neighbor's house, not mine. When it pulled away, I was miffed but figured it would circle around and come back.
I was dressed for the gym. I decided to walk up and down the street with my iPhone in hand so I could know how far I'd gone. Up and down the street I went, always with an eye on the house. I got in two and a half miles. The neighbors surely think I've gone looney.
At two, I looked at the tracking once again. It now said "By End of Day." Good God!
I called my mother to tell her I might not be over, that I was waiting on a package.
Anxious, mad, bored stiff, at 3:30 I decided I would make a gin and tonic. The day was nice. I sat on the deck and read.
By four I was getting hungry, but I hadn't been to the grocery store. I decided to peruse the freezer. I didn't know what half the stuff in there was. There was some frozen cod. I didn't want that. There were some small steaks. Hmm. I called my mother.
"How long do you think things stay good in the freezer?"
She said she thought that the beef would be fine. Just then I read the package. They expired in 2021.
I put everything from the freezer into the garbage.
I had a can of Hormel Chili in the cabinet. It was hurricane food. So was the can of Corned Beef. I looked at the nutritional information. What was I thinking? I rummaged through the fridge again. Way in the back were some Marcona almonds. I tasted one. O.K. I had no idea how old they were, but I was desperate. I sliced some Spanish goat cheese and spooned out the last of the mixed olives from Whole Foods. I tore off a chunk of baguette that was beginning to harden.
Fuck FedEx. I hated them.
Q texted. I wrote him about my misery.
"Just have ‘em leave it in your car. Save yourself a step in the process."
Six o'clock. I was desperate for a meal. I opened a can of sardines.
Six thirty, FedEx showed up. I'd waited at home for 8 1/2 hours. I was seeing blood.
My gut was grumbling now. Such a weird combo of food. I decided to have some of my new favorite ice cream, Ben and Jerry's New York Super Fudge Chunk.
I turned on the television. I put on "Kansas City." It's a good movie. I watched it for a little while. I've seen it before. I turned it off and went to bed.
And I slept. . . one hour at a time. It was a horrible end to a horrible day.
I got up before five. It is 6:30 now. I am going to go back to bed. I am desperate here in the dark, mind haunted by despair.
"What if I've been wrong about everything?"
"You probably were."