Tuesday, November 28, 2023

FedEx Sucks

Yesterday was a total wash.  I had a therapy session at nine in the morning.  FedEx was delivering a package to the house that required me to sign for it.  Their messaging said it was put on the truck at 3:30 am and was out for delivery.  It should be at my house between ten and two.  Big window, but what could I do.  Therapy session lasted one hour.  I was home by ten.  In a little while, I saw the FedEx truck.  Man, what luck.  Only it went to the neighbor's house, not mine.  When it pulled away, I was miffed but figured it would circle around and come back.  

It didn't.  

I was dressed for the gym.  I decided to walk up and down the street with my iPhone in hand so I could know how far I'd gone.  Up and down the street I went, always with an eye on the house.  I got in two and a half miles.  The neighbors surely think I've gone looney.  

At two, I looked at the tracking once again.  It now said "By End of Day."  Good God!

I called my mother to tell her I might not be over, that I was waiting on a package.  

Anxious, mad, bored stiff, at 3:30 I decided I would make a gin and tonic.  The day was nice.  I sat on the deck and read.  

By four I was getting hungry, but I hadn't been to the grocery store.  I decided to peruse the freezer.  I didn't know what half the stuff in there was.  There was some frozen cod.  I didn't want that.  There were some small steaks.  Hmm.  I called my mother.  

"How long do you think things stay good in the freezer?"

She said she thought that the beef would be fine.  Just then I read the package.  They expired in 2021.  

"Never mind."

I put everything from the freezer into the garbage.

I had a can of Hormel Chili in the cabinet.  It was hurricane food.  So was the can of Corned Beef.  I looked at the nutritional information.  What was I thinking?  I rummaged through the fridge again.  Way in the back were some Marcona almonds.  I tasted one.  O.K.  I had no idea how old they were, but I was desperate.  I sliced some Spanish goat cheese and spooned out the last of the mixed olives from Whole Foods.  I tore off a chunk of baguette that was beginning to harden.  

Fuck FedEx.  I hated them.  

Q texted.  I wrote him about my misery.

"Just have ‘em leave it in your car. Save yourself a step in the process."

Six o'clock.  I was desperate for a meal.  I opened a can of sardines.  

Six thirty, FedEx showed up.  I'd waited at home for 8 1/2 hours.  I was seeing blood.  

My gut was grumbling now.  Such a weird combo of food.  I decided to have some of my new favorite ice cream, Ben and Jerry's New York Super Fudge Chunk.  


I turned on the television.  I put on "Kansas City."  It's a good movie.  I watched it for a little while.  I've seen it before.  I turned it off and went to bed.  

And I slept. . . one hour at a time.  It was a horrible end to a horrible day.  

I got up before five.  It is 6:30 now.  I am going to go back to bed.  I am desperate here in the dark, mind haunted by despair.

"What if I've been wrong about everything?"

"You probably were."  

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