I just wrote a long, revelatory post. Too much so. It is gone now. I'll put up the front. It is a busy week for me who generally does little. My days and weeks have become a jumbled mess. I checked the schedule, though, and the maids are coming Tuesday. Since I have surgery tomorrow, I need to prepare the house today. I have an appointment with my primary care doctor on Tuesday morning that I am hoping I will be able to drive to. I guess it is best that I stay at my mother's house, then, on Monday night. That means packing up some overnight things. Monday's weather is foreboding, of course. Severe weather with high winds, possible flooding and tornadoes. As my father used to say, "I shit you not." It plays with my head, of course. Ominous. Should I check my horoscope? On Thursday, I have an appointment with the infectious disease doc.
WTF? I used to be so young and spry.
I managed to drive out to see my beautician yesterday, but I had been a mess of nervous dread all day. I did not manage to get over to see my mother. My body was leaden. I got to my beautician's house at 5:30. By 8:30, I was a platinum blonde. She really did it this time. I'm feeling a bit like Jean Harlow.
Home, I put some frozen enchiladas in the microwave just before nine and called my mother. Eating that late is not good, and I had to stay up later than I wanted. I need to get my mother some flowers and figure out what we will do today. But I am not up for it.
Have I told you I am an anxious person? I get paralyzed by it now quite often.
I don't know if I will be able to write for the next few days, but I probably will. I just can't seem to stop.
This is a week to get through, I think. And then?
I hope for better days. And so. . . .
Fuck it. It is time to cowboy up.
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