Done

And then it was over and done and all that was left was the fatigue and the hangover.  

Before the day was finished, though, I received two more unsolicited holiday greetings, both unexpected.  My old secretary has not responded to my text messages for a long while, but last night, she sent me an e-card.  Hmm.  And my t.v. and movie buddy, Captain Fitzpatrick, sent a Christmas greeting as well.  Each of those messages resounded in strange ways.

It was a Christmas that saw me passing out more gifts to more people than ever before.  And I had done a swell job getting presents for my mother, too.

It was the first Christmas I received none.  

It has been a terrible year, and yesterday I realized I've become a stranger in my own life.  

Christmas wasn't over until we went across the street to eat dinner with my mother's neighbors.  I took a bottle of champagne.  There was a delicious ham, scalloped potatoes, sweet potatoes, creamed corn, croissants, ambrosia, and three pies.  Other than a few small pours, I drank the bottle of champagne.  

When we came back to my mother's house, the groaning and complaining she had stifled during dinner began once again in earnest.  I poured a scotch and turned on t.v., but after awhile, my mother had the same television complaints she has recently developed, so I gave her the remote and left the room to read.  She left the t.v. playing as she wandered back and forth through the room where I sat.  Before long, I fell asleep in the chair.  Passed out, I guess.  When I woke up, it was near midnight.  

And there is my Christmas report.  Today. . . I change my life. . . such as it is, or rather, as it has been this past year.  It is imperative.  Whatever life I have left must be restored.  

Too many realizations to report, but for one.  This is my latest and last complaint.  The blog will no longer be analogous to the news.  It will be something else or nothing at all.  

As with all things, that is my intention, at least.  By this time next year, we may look back and realize nothing really changed at all.  

I thought I would win the Powerball lotto thing, too, but that didn't happen.  

I must put my best foot forward today.  Not sure what that is yet, but it will certainly start with a trip to the store to buy all the healthy things I had at home that I have never bothered with here in my mother's house where I have foolishly camped as if I were staying for a week or maybe two.  There is nothing of mine here but for this little outdated laptop and now a couple of books.  I schlepp my things in a travel bag back and forth to my house where I shower each day.  All my rituals have been forgotten if not lost.  I have new habits now, none of them satisfying.  I inherited them merely out of necessity.  

So my new year begins today.  As in the past, I will try to get ahead of things.  I have some daytime trips planned.  I must get out of the five mile parameter I have been living in.  

Again. . . intentions.  

I'm not angry.  I'm just very lost.  

Now. . . I must go meet my duties.  That will not change.  But everything else has to.  It must.  I don't look good.  I don't feel good.  I don't know a soul.  This house is full of misery.  I must try to reduce that by half.