No, No, Quasimodo

I'm going back to using a Holga camera for a bit.  It is so unserious I'll take photos of anything.  No pressure.  I'll develop the film myself unless it is color.  I might do color, too, but there is a quick lab her in town for it now, so. . . . 

I am going to go back to Dry January this week, I think.  Damp turned to wet very quickly.  I want too much to celebrate "life," to have some fun, but I have fallen back into the same old pattern of feeling deprived of life and sitting on my mother's couch knocking back too many whiskeys before bed.  It is that which I had intended to slow down.  

"Whoa Nellie!"

The thing is, I had lost some of this monstrous belly, and now it is creeping back on.  I am limping badly now as the shots no longer help my knee.  I lean when I walk.  Bad back, the typical gait of old men.  I'm tired of feeling like Quasimodo, and I felt I was gaining a fresher face not as screwed up in pain.  

Women pull their children close to them when I walk by.  Fathers stare threateningly.  

Do I exagerate?  Well. . . this is not a news report.  

News report?  You can see whatever "news" you choose to believe anymore.  Since we admitted long ago that there is no truly neutral pov, what the hell, right?  Objectivity is impossible, even in A.I.  

In a postmodern world, everything is equal in its unreliability.  We live in a world with facts devoid of truth.  

Other than personal.

There are clouds and potential rain today.  I am not psychologically fit for such weather.  It depresses and yes, even scares me.  Heaven is sunny weather.  Hell is whatever is happening in Ohio.  

Brighter notes.  I put my deck back together yesterday.  Small start.  There is much to do, but I don't seem to be able to do more than an hour at a time.  That's o.k  I don't want to spend my days working manual labor.  Small bits, but not days.  I am going to buy granite rocks to place on the ground around the house where the work has occurred and then decide if I want to buy bags of rock or have it delivered for the driveways.  I'll have to ask T about this one.  But today I plan to develop some old film from my Holga camera along with the roll I shot yesterday.  I don't expect anything to be marvelous, and that is the bonus.  I want to get back to making some tangible images, too, using my new laser printer, Japanese paper, transfers, tape, fire. . . whatever.  

Photography Selavy.  If you want to get weird. . . I'm your boy!

Thank you. . . and goodnight.