The Nature of Things

Originally Posted Saturday, December 7, 2013

As I sit down to write this morning, my theme, I realize, is the same as the day before and the day before that. 

"I want more."

"You've had your's, fucker."

I think about being a baboon or a chimpanzee.  If you were lucky enough to be one of the dominant males. . . if you had been one of the lucky ones to attract the females and mate. . . if you had gotten your pick of the best of everything. . . some young buck would constantly be trying to take your place, and eventually one would.  I've seen the National Geographic specials on this.  Often, when the younger males figure out they can support one of their age group and back him up in the fight for dominance. . . you should see the change in the deposed despot.  It is immediate. The posture changes.  His coat goes flat.  He maintains his distance from the center of things.  There is no going back.  Once it is done. . . thanks National Geographic.  The images are indelibly burned on the inside of my retinas. 

And there it is, I guess. . . the meaning of life. 

But (thank god) human culture is a bit more complex.  A little grease paint, some new clothes, a boat and a fast car. . . .

I've lived more like a jackal anyway.  No, wait. . . maybe it was a hyena.  Yes, that's it.  They are often despised, but in truth they are truly wonderful creatures.  Even lions fear them.  And they are lazy.  They will come after your stuff.  Yes, I'm sure it was the hyena.  They are one of those "in between" species, not quite feline, not wholly canine.  For instance, "Hyenas groom themselves often like felids or viverrids, and their way of licking their genitals is very cat-like" (source).  I'm not saying I can lick my genitals, don't get me wrong.  I'm just saying. . . .  They have anal glands.  I may have. . . not sure. 

But even hyenas wear out, I guess.  Sooner or later. . . you can't have everything. 

I guess I'm just worn down a bit from too many late nights in a row, too much staying up and doing bad things.  I have chores to do, but I won't do them.  I hurt too much.  I need to quit faking it for a while and stay home and heal up.  Drink water and meditate.  Be one with the cosmos. 

Etc.