Except for Paris Hilton

Originally Posted Wednesday, August 20, 2014

I have to be at the factory earlier than usual tomorrow, so I will write my "whatever" tonight.  What can I tell you?  It seems I've said it all before.  But we all have, haven't we?  Life is mostly a repetition beyond a certain point.  Youth. . . they are unaware, so they feel. . . something.  Special?  They don't know that what they do is what was done before.  Everything is a first for them, so they feel prototypical.  They are. 

And then. . . and then. . . .

Lying alone in bed awake at three or four o'clock, I think about the people I know.  Who is married?  Who is divorced?  Who is widowed?  Who is remarried?  Who has kids?  How happy are any of them? 

There are few, if any, I would trade places with.  It is not that their lives are awful--they simply are not enviable. 

When you are feeling awful, just think about those you envy.  It is a short list, no? 

I'll confess to you that I often envy only the very privileged and the very rich. There is no dignity in poverty, I think, especially in old age.  It is an awful confession, I know, but I've told you my true love is Paris Hilton.  The privileged and wealthy are all Houdinis.  They are untroubled by. . . trouble.  Even death seems somehow softer and less awful for them.  No, we who are not wealthy or powerful. . . we'll die as we lived, barely noticed, given average succor, average care. 

The girl in the picture is young.  She is getting married to a boy her own age.  They are excited to start their life together.  Someday she will get pregnant, perhaps, have a child or children, raise them in some expected way.  The world will be rougher and the place she grew up will be less privileged for her children than for her.  Their life expectancy will be shorter than their parents'.  Such things, however, cannot stop them. 

You must live and all of living lies ahead.  Having lived lies behind.  I am living and mostly without envy. 

If it just weren't for that fucking Paris Hilton.  Her and her ilk.  I'll think of them early as I rush to the factory.