Zzzzzz

Originally Posted Tuesday, August 19, 2014

I'm under a ton of stress at the factory, and it seems to be affecting me.  Huh.  I fall asleep around nine o'clock at night, just drift off, then I wake at three or four o'clock, of course.  Then I lie in bed and think/dream until the sun comes up.  At work, I am tired.  I look it.  I haven't taken a vacation for two years now, only a day or two off here and there.  I think, "There are people all over the world who have never heard of a vacation.  Why are you whining?"  But I think those people should have a vacation.  Lots of them.  It is the difference between being creative and being an automaton. 

That is what a privileged person like myself would say. 

Still. . . this lack of sleep is getting to me.  Perhaps some melatonin would work.  I mean short term.  I've taken it before.  It doesn't help for long. 

Or maybe I should drop a hit of LSD. 

The British at least gave the coolies opium.  And the upper classes had their injectable cocaine.  Freud was a big promoter. 

The thing that befuddles me most is why I can't find someone to teach me hypnotism.  I don't mean that wimpy-assed form of suggestion that "certified" hypnotists use to help you lose weight or quit smoking.  I mean the deep, dark kind that I know is out there somewhere, the kind that can make you believe things that were never really true.  I want to learn that.  I'll sleep then like a dead man.  And so will a lot of other people, too. 

I guess I could just go back and read my blog at night.  Zzzz.  But I'd still wake up at three. 

Actually, I used to meditate before bed and that always gave me the best rest.  I could actually get that sensation of leaving my body, of floating above the room.  I had a "girlfriend" once who said her sister could levitate.  I'd met her sister.  She was a weird one, but pretty.  The money had family, or vice versa.  She told me I could live with her and she would support me while I wrote.  Oh, no, I said.  It is a good thing.  The girl went on to become a big time attorney and got into trouble later on.  I think it all went back to the levitating sister. 

But I drift.  My mind is a mess.  It is a lot of trouble--meditating.  I mean it takes effort to relax like that. It doesn't make sense, I know, but it is so much easier to skip it than to do it.  No, given the results (relaxation), it makes no sense at all.  But then again, if it were easy, everyone would do it. 

I've decided my cat is not a writer's cat.  She bumps my leg for attention the whole while I do this.  She doesn't seem to understand what it takes to be a writer. 

I guess neither of us does.