Friday, February 13, 2015

A Lover's Gonna Hate

I can't write any more.  I did it again, just wrote a long piece about this cover.  I was being antagonistic, of course, defending it while admitting everything that was wrong about it.  Then some creepy feeling came over me and I backed out.  


The cover, though, seems apropos to Lisa's comment on something I wrote a couple days ago:  

"Remind me what "normal" looks like? Is that like the Dora Anderson who is in real-estate and lives in a vanilla house with her husband who also sells real estate and they have a photo of them together on their business cards cause that sorta look makes them way attractive to hire?"

Yes.  Facebook.  But there I go again, hating on the happy people.  Just like people are hating on the image of this model.  None of it is real, neither Facebook nor this cover.  They are just illusions, projections. . . and they are threatening.  I mean, if you react negatively to this cover, it is the same way I react to most things.  It is all gaming.  It is all promotion.  None of it. . . none of it. . . is real.  

At least they are no more real than the pictures I make and post or the persona I have created here.  

Whatever.  Haters gonna hate.  Count me in.  

I'm a fallen Buddhist for sure.  I've become a hater, too.  From what wellspring does it seep?  I'm trying to remember the Seven Deadly Sins.  They are good.  Sloth.  I am too lazy, perhaps, to get what other people have or to keep my own things, and somehow that seems tied to Greed.  I want just more than what others have.  Just a bit better, a bit prettier.  Again, though, there is Sloth.  And I Envy those who are. . . is this related to Covetous?  That is not one of the Deadly Sins, but I think it should be.  I Covet a lot.  That should replace Gluttony, I think.  Is Gluttony really a sin?  I don't think so, for it doesn't hurt anyone but the glutton.  No, that one has to go.  Now Pride, that is a good one, though I would replace it with the old Vainglory or simply Vanity.  Vanity is the real cause of much of my pain.  Everything cuts me there.  It hurts me, for instance, that this model does not want me more than anyone else.  It makes me mad.  Oh, yea--Wrath--that's one.  But even though the list needs a bit of tweaking, I think it is a good idea to remember them.  They are the things to resist if you want to be happy (except for Gluttony).  And so. . . you see?  Herein lies my personal wellspring of misery.  

Oh. . . there is one thing that fixes it all, of course.  And curses it, too.  It is the thing that was dormant in me for so long, the monster that I let be reawakened.  It is the thing that has never done me any good in life but is the thing that has driven me.  It is that goddamned Romantic fallacy.  

Whatever.  A Lover's gotta Love.  A Hater's gonna Hate. 

Just another example of bad, bad writing.  But it is all I got right now.  

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