Saturday, May 2, 2015
Today is once again the Kentucky Derby. Well, the day is not the derby, but it is the day they have the race. I will probably bet on a horse though I know nothing about them or horse racing in general. No, I know about racing in general. I can watch a horse race and know which one is winning, etc. But I am not fascinated by horses. People tell me how beautiful they are, but I don't see it. Their heads are too large for their bodies, I think, and not attractively shaped at all. They are such unnatural things that they cannot give birth on their own but need the help of a human. And they are essentially beasts of burden which makes me quite uncomfortable. I have never felt anything but guilt when sitting on a horses back.
Still, I will watch the derby race today. I always do, usually from some fun or unusual place. My favorite times have been watching it from the famous bar overlooking the ocean at The Breakers Hotel. I wish I was there this weekend.
But I am not, and somehow I have picked up an eye infection that has caused me to become quite despondent and depressed. Mortality, etc. It makes me feel flawed and week. My friend tells me it should make me feel human. This is what happens to humans, she says, but not every human, I say. I want to be a superb human being. I don't know. I am having trouble.
The day is a beauty. I wish I felt well. I will try to get up for it, though. A walk, maybe. My friend has made sangria for the afternoon. I should be much, much happier. I hope I will be.