I've warned you. Whatever I do, do the opposite. How long did it take the market to crash after I put my retirement in it? One day? Sure, I went conservative, but I've already lost thousands of dollars today and it is barely mid-afternoon. I said I wouldn't look, but I had to. I thought I was supposed to make money. So much for that.
I'm fairly lost. When I was working and in a relationship, my mind was filled with all the projects I'd be doing if I didn't have those obligations. I was going to be a real genius, I was. Now I can't remember any of them. I am tired all the time. All I want to do is sleep.
Today I left the house with cameras. I had to get out. I drove around slowly, looking. I didn't see anything fruitful or promising. I wonder how people stand it, then I think of all the methheads and opioid addicts, and I go, "Oh, yea." It won't be long, I assume.
I'm entering the last week of the first month of my retirement. I like the night picture project. There is one thing. I need to find another. I want a studio again more than anything. I want a big place where I can make photographs, do encaustic work, put a big printing press, a vacuum exposure unit, and a big ass computer station. And a couch and some chairs where I can entertain.
It is just another fantastical illusion, of course. Not having the studio stands in the way of my genius just like a job and a relationship did. But I really did work when I had one before. I made some handsome stuff, I think.
With what I'm losing in the market, though, I might have been wiser putting my money into a studio.
There is a workshop in Santa Fe that I want to attend. It is one I've attended before, but some things have changed a bit. Back when I was working, I got funded to go to these things. Now. . . I'm on my own dime. The workshop is five days and about $1,500. Plus airfare. Plus accommodations. The work I did when I was there last is prominently displayed on the workshop's webpage. They kind of dug it, I guess.
If I'd made that much money rather than having lost it, I could better justify going.
Now I've dicked away the day with nothing to show. I can't go on this way. Something has to happen.
*. *. *.
I found the Elks Club last night. Nothing. It wasn't much of a picture at all. At night, lighting is everything. I took pictures of some other places that were interesting, but again, the lighting was not dramatic. But I tried.
And there is that.