I am going to my mother's in a bit to cook dinner. Days alone are long. I did what should have been a lot today. I got up too early, went back to bed, got up again and went to the gym, took a long walk, came home and put on a pot of oatmeal and took a shower, cut a grapefruit, ate, then took my car to the carwash after which I went to the grocery store for some things.
And then it was noon.
I started straightening up the mess in my house and burned a bunch of old financial reports, then organized my new papers, tax documents, etc.
So I started in on the boxes of books and took some to the garage, then began on the photos and negatives, but I felt a bit overwhelmed, so I quit.
I poured a scotch and called my mother and made my evening meal plans.
I did even more than I am reporting. I pulled some weeds and went through my bank statements online, called to pay a bill then another. Now I sit in the hipster coffee shop just because I was losing my mind alone in the house. It has only been two days and I know I have to get a plan.
Tonight after dinner with my mother, I will experiment with some photos. I have some ideas. They may or may not work. But I will put on some music that Q sent me and see how it all turns out.
I think I am still waiting. Once I lose hope and quit waiting, maybe I'll get on with things. But I am afraid to move anything, put things out of their normal place, disturb the old universe. I hold my breath. I wait. I will wait a bit longer, but I can't wait forever. Once we do a thing, it can't be undone. I am not ready to do the irrevocable yet.
*. *. *.
Remember the Alamo.
"It is hard to fight with one's heart's desire. Whatever it wishes to get, it purchases at the cost of soul."ReplyDelete
Heraclitus quoted by Bertrand Russell in "Mysticism and Logic." Read this just a few minutes ago and thought of you.
Got his Selected Papers on a dollar shelf and it smells like dryer sheets. Can only read it a few minutes at a time for that reason. Some book sellers up here stick a little strip in every book to keep rodents away. (I feed them organic cat food so they leave my library alone.)
Dryer sheets keep rodents away? Hmm. How long does that work?ReplyDelete
A season or two? Keeps squirrels from nesting in a car left for the winter. I guess if you can stand the smell you could stuff your walls full of them. Not sure of the long-term health effects though.ReplyDelete