I am going to my mother's in a bit to cook dinner. Days alone are long. I did what should have been a lot today. I got up too early, went back to bed, got up again and went to the gym, took a long walk, came home and put on a pot of oatmeal and took a shower, cut a grapefruit, ate, then took my car to the carwash after which I went to the grocery store for some things.
And then it was noon.
I started straightening up the mess in my house and burned a bunch of old financial reports, then organized my new papers, tax documents, etc.
So I started in on the boxes of books and took some to the garage, then began on the photos and negatives, but I felt a bit overwhelmed, so I quit.
I poured a scotch and called my mother and made my evening meal plans.
I did even more than I am reporting. I pulled some weeds and went through my bank statements online, called to pay a bill then another. Now I sit in the hipster coffee shop just because I was losing my mind alone in the house. It has only been two days and I know I have to get a plan.
Tonight after dinner with my mother, I will experiment with some photos. I have some ideas. They may or may not work. But I will put on some music that Q sent me and see how it all turns out.
I think I am still waiting. Once I lose hope and quit waiting, maybe I'll get on with things. But I am afraid to move anything, put things out of their normal place, disturb the old universe. I hold my breath. I wait. I will wait a bit longer, but I can't wait forever. Once we do a thing, it can't be undone. I am not ready to do the irrevocable yet.
*. *. *.
Remember the Alamo.