I got my film back from the lab. Not the film, actually, but the emailed jpeg scans of the film. The film itself won't be here for awhile. But I was wrong in my belief that I would be spending $60 on those rolls and only have one or two images I liked. I was WAY off. There are none. There is nothing that I can even stand to look at. And, indeed, only 24 of the 36 pictures turned out. Of those 24, there are light leaks ruining 6 of them.
I think I am done with film that I send out to labs. I can do black and white at home cheaply enough. But digital cameras do color fine. They do black and white well, too. So why fuck around with film?
Oh. . . you know. It looks different, has a different feel.
Maybe I'll try it one more time.
I was giddy into yesterday morning after my late night sending out music the night before. I ordered some shorts and some other things online from a Chinese clothing company over a year ago, and now I get ads for all sorts of strange clothing. I send screen shots around to my friends.
"Which ones should I buy?" I ask. I've been trying to get C.C. to buy the jumpers, but he keeps resisting. I am a child. Sending these as I did to SO many people yesterday had me in tears. But then. . . .
I couldn't believe how much this made me laugh. Oh, God, it has gotten so much better with time. When I sent it to C.C., he sent this back.
And again. . . I had to change my pants.
This may seem unimportant to you, but it was the first time I'd laughed out loud for months. Many months. I used to laugh almost every day. So it felt good.
So good, I didn't get away from my computer until noon. A waste of the day? Not in the least. I felt elevated.
Not so much today. I have been having nightmares. I wake up to them and they continue. They seem real. Last night, I woke up to terrible pain. Whatever I was dreaming made me spasm the muscles around my right hip and back so hard that something bad happened. Maybe I was dreaming that I was getting run over again. I don't know. But I couldn't get back to sleep after that, or rather, when I did, I woke up in pain right away. I am in pain this morning. Something is out of place or some nerve impinged. Today is not going to be as much fun as yesterday.
I have not worn anything but t-shirts and elastic waisted shorts since before the Corona lockdown began. Mostly I have worn Hanes V-neck t-shirts that Ili bought me after the accident. They were the only shirts I could put on. I have lots of them. Yesterday, I ordered more from Amazon. I guess that is a recognition that I won't be going anywhere for awhile. I wonder what the neighbors think, though? They see me every day in the same thing. I am like a meme.
You know, I probably should have ordered some colors rather than more white.