Thursday, December 16, 2021

One of Many Hells

Bad night.  Really bad.  All was well.  I didn't watch television and went to bed early.  I rolled over in bed sometime in the middle of the night, however, and the whole world spun.  I woke up yelling out in horror and reaching out for something to clutch.  This happened four times.  I could take it no more and got up.  Shaky legs, loose bowels, chilled.  My system was worn out with it.  I tried sleeping in a chair, but I haven't a recliner, so that did not work.  I propped up pillows and tried sleeping sitting up in bed.  Not very restful.  Eventually, I tried lying down again.  Rising this morning, I was weak.  I do not have a sense of complete balance, a bit like being seasick.  I am lucky, I guess, that I can stand.  In the dark, alone, I was afraid I would have to crawl through the house to find my phone.  

My mother has suffered with this.  She went to a doctor.  There is a process they can put you through that puts the granular in your inner ear back into place.  It can sometimes take days in which you must sleep in an upright position.  She is not the only person I know who has gone through this.  Amazingly, it works.  How anyone figured that out is a miracle to me.  I'm hoping, however, not to have to go through that.  This happened to me when I was run over and had to lie in a hospital bed for weeks.  It continued for a long, long time.  I would get better and worse, but eventually it went away.  

This morning, I am dismayed.  I will take a long walk today and see how I feel.  I know I will need a nap today.  I feel as if I stayed up all night long,  

There are dangers I have not taken into account, I guess, of aging and living on your own.  

Earlier in the day, I had tried to fit the new tool bit into the screw gun to see if it would work at taking out the old screws in the rotting deck.  I couldn't get the drill bit to open or close.  I went to the internet and pulled up the owner's manual.  It didn't help.  Now what?  Do I take my screw gun to the hardware store and ask them how it works?  

"Hey. . . I was wondering if you could tell me if this thing is busted."  

See, that would be the logical thing, right?  But I can't.  Just like I can't ask the fellows at the auto repair store to put my windshield wipers on for me even though I can't seem to do it right.  I'm going to buy a new pair of wipers today.  I'll probably buy a new screw gun, too.  

That's the high cost of being a macho sissy boy.  

All dependent, of course, on whether I can manage doing anything today.  

The deck and grass glimmer with last night's rain.  The sky is a perfect clear blue.  An attractive woman walks by with her small, aged dog.  Married to a much older wealthy man, she has a manner, so to speak.  One wonders.  She is nice enough, friendly enough, not objectionable in any way, but the manner is always there.  It comes from flying every weekend with her husband to the mountains or an island, depending on the season, for his weekly poker game.  You would recognize the names of some of the players.  They are all republicans, of course, part of the Great Divide.  The brother of my republican friend is part of that group.  Elites.  I have been arguing quite a bit with my friend about politics lately.  He is liberal when it comes to his freedoms.  That is what I wanted to write about today, about that I wished to opine.  But I am not "in shape" for that sort of thinking just now.  Maybe tomorrow.  Or. . . if you are lucky. . . maybe not.  

Now I must try to get on with today's activities and see if I can manage.  Oy!  Just another of life's many hells.  

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