As I've said, there are contradictory reasons for using big cameras. The size of the negatives can provide the greatest detail that you can get in a photographic frame. Technically, it is amazing. It can, too, be aesthetically awesome. But that large negative also allows you to make some of the prettiest out of focus areas, known as bokeh, possible. But, as in this image, if you miss focus. . . . And STILL, I am enamored with the image. It is either dreamy or nightmarish depending on your vocabulary. I think I must have bumped the front tilt/shift plate on this shot because the entire thing looks like a toy miniature. You can do that with large format cameras.
Oh. . . I can do that in Photoshop with digital images, too, but I am enjoying the big camera and the big negatives. I think I am ready to try people.
My beautician texted me yesterday and asked if I could change the day of my next appointment with her. I said sure. Then I said, "But wear something you want to be photographed in. I am bringing my big ass camera and want to make a picture of you outside the salon."
I didn't hear back from her for awhile, and I thought I'd probably fucked up. But then she wrote, "Like super stylish ? Or in black ?"
Her choice, I said.
"What do you call this kind of photography?" she queried.
"What are my choices," I pondered. "Environmental portraits? I usually just call it 'Martha'".
So, I try to begin "American Work" and "American Leisure." Perhaps. We'll see.
I drove by a barbershop yesterday that looked old timey. I don't think it is, however, as it is in a hipster part of town. But it has been there for many years, so who knows? I think I will go in and take a look and tell the barbers I would like to make a portrait in front of their shop. That is what I think.
But I would like to perfect these big ass blurry environment portraits, too. The photo makes me think of Sarah Moon's old Polaroid 55 blurry fashion pics. I've always loved them.
I sent some of my industrial photos to my mother. Yesterday when we were sitting together in the afternoon, she said, "It's good that you have a hobby."
I was limp with embarrassment. I'm a hobbyist in both images and writing. I don't think of them as hobbies, but by definition. . . . I know I say I am like an old guy carving ducks in his garage, but that is just self effacing. Hearing someone else say it. . . . Boom!
"There's old C.S. He sure is a shutterbug, ain't he?"
It just melts my spine. It takes away all semblance of confidence.
I think of myself as a little hidden gem, a secret jewell, a man of considerable talent. Sure, I overshare here, but if you took the top ten photos from any year. . . .
"Yes. . . he's quite the hobbyist. It gives him something to do in retirement."
I'll not post any more of my photos on those photography forums. WTF was I thinking? They are nothing but. . . a bunch of hobbyists!
"What do you do with your photos?"
I can't answer any more questions. Sorry.
"My daughter makes little videos she shares on TikTok. She's up to six million followers!"
Look, I said I don't want to talk about it any more.
"There are companies now who want her to show their products. They send her free stuff all the time. She's even starting to earn money. She thinks she will earn about $50,000 this year. She's really starting to take off."
That's the difference, as they say. Everything must go to market.
I decided to ditch my new coffee maker and go back to the old one. It makes better coffee and is easier to maintain. The thing is selling for $350 on Amazon. I think that is what really made me change my mind. Hell, it must be better. That other one was just for people who drink coffee. . . as a hobby.
I need to go back and work on the book. I need to work on several. But it is difficult work. It is truly like a full-time job. And it is agonizing. I look at the one I made from time to time and think about the changes that need be made. But that is working on the past and what I want to do is make new pictures. It's work. All work. And I. . . I am a bit of a lazy bum.
I may make a website for my photos, though. Not a blog but an actual website where I can "represent."
I probably won't. My ego is weird. It is big and it is fragile and it is private. Promotion is not its thing. It likes wearing a mask. It prefers to deflect through self-deprecation.
My ex-wife told me I needed not to do that. She said people exploit it as a weakness. I said I would punch them in the nose, but she didn't like that, either. I guess she just wanted me to lie like everyone else, be self-positive if not arrogant. But really, those are the people I want to punch in the nose.
Figuratively, of course. I've been literally punched in the nose too many times. It is very, very unpleasant.
Barber shop. Bakery. I should quit whining and get busy.
Maybe. We'll see.
I really like this picture.
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