I don't know what the situation will be tomorrow, so I will write what might be my last post for the next few days. We, here, are living in a slow motion nightmare. More so for property owners, of course. I won't go into the economic hazards that I face, but you know that after Charlie, I was devastated. I've had my fair share of bad hurricane outcomes. I've lost trees, seawalls, toes, apartments, and a ton of money to the fucking things. You'd think I'd move, but I love this place as much as many despise it. For me, it has always been a weird and wild wonderland.
I am on a factory group text and I posted the following:
In truth, I've become catatonic. I am having trouble doing the simplest of things. I will go to my 90 yr. old mother's house to stay with her, but after suffering Charlie's devastation more than most, I am PTSDed out. Scotch and Xanax seem my only friends. Still, I know everyone has concerns. I don't know what it means to "stay safe," but I wish everyone great luck in the next few days. This is slow motion horror show. I wish I were a landless college kid again and that this were just one of my first exotic adventures.
The resident psychologist responded.
C.S. -scotch or Xanax. Remember You only get to pick one at a time! And if you want to talk just give a call. That goes for everyone--This shit is anxiety inducing and makes nerves fry
To which I replied:
Jesus, pal, I used to trust you. WTF? These are Strange and Unusual Times. The Old Rules no longer apply. Xanax and scotch are a perfect combo and I recommend them highly except for those who are not initiated. The psyche wards will be full of people who didn't know any better and took the road of purity and prudence. We are all likely to be washed away in a Biblical Great Flood. But seriously, brother, I love your concern. You are one of my True Heroes!
Just remember what Miss Jean Brody told her students about the "Safety First" poster on the classroom wall--"Ili, please take that poster down. Children, safety is important, but it certainly shouldn't be first!" O.K. I don't remember the student's name. But you get my drift.
And I am hyperbolic as all get out. No Worries!
But all of that is simply bravado and has little bearing on my true state. I want to curl up into a fetal ball until everything is over, and maybe long afterwards depending upon the damage.
Depending upon circumstances, I'll see you on the other side. Until then. . . .