Tuesday, February 7, 2023


I haven't any time to write today, really.  The cleaning crew comes and the house is a lousy mess of cameras and gear, chemicals, developing tanks, etc., that must be put away.  I forgot about this when I called the ortho doc's office yesterday and made an appointment for nine o'clock.  Silly things like this always weigh heavily on me the night before which is probably why I didn't sleep well.  Fearful dreams full of morbidity haunted me.  At one point, I woke, heart racing, adrenaline pumping.  I could not stop it for a very long time as I lay there alone in the dark.  One knows always that things will come to this, but I don't know if one can ever prepare.  Dreadful thoughts passed over, around, and through me.  What would I do if I have a knee replacement?  Uber to and from surgery?  Hire someone to help me around the house?  WTF?  Every horrible, maleficent ailment I have ever feared loomed on the not too distant horizon.  

But public self-pity is ugly and useless.  I'll limp bravely into the day.  

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