Moribund

After I wrote yesterday, I went back to bed.  I felt weak, still bloated, etc.  But lying in bed was not resting.  My mind was busy, going to the darkest of places.  I had to get up to stop the horror show.  I thought I needed to try to go for a walk to see how I was really doing.  I didn't want to and I put it off several times, but late in the morning, I got dressed and started.  If I felt bad, there were multiple shortcuts to shorten the walk.  The further I went, though, the better I felt.  Not good, but better.  And when I got back home, I thought I shouldn't stop.  I packed up and headed to the gym.  

It was noon by now, and I didn't think I'd see the regular crowd, but as I walked in, there was Tennessee in the distance mugging me.  He was with the shock jock and an object of their desire.  I've seen this woman in the gym for years.  She used to come in with her mother and two sisters.  They were all athletes, the mother dour and the girls all attractive.  This particular sister was the tallest of the three, and as it turns out was on the college rowing team.  She, like her mother, though, looks stern and usually has a semi-frown.  She has just had breast implants, though, it is well known, and has become friendlier.  I imagine she has a thing for Tennessee, and I, being his buddy. . . . 

"Man, your ears must have been burning," they all said simultaneously.  

"What the fuck now?"

The gaming was on.  

"You haven't been around."

"Yea, I've been in bed for the past few days.  I got some gut issues."  

Everyone leaned back.  

We quipped a bit more, but they were all finishing up.  I was going to go through the lightest, quickest workout I could do just to get some blood flowing.  

"I gotta go," Tennessee said, "but I'll call you later."

 After the briefest of workouts, I decided to go to my mother's as I may not feel like leaving the house again after I got home and cleaned up.  

"How are you feeling?"

"I guess I'm doing better, but not so well."

"You know, you've been eating a lot of raw vegetables lately.  Maybe they have been upsetting your stomach."

Ding!  I hadn't thought of it before, but I have been using a lot of the pre-washed bagged salads that I avoided for years because they were infecting people with salmonella, listeria, e.coli, etc.  

"I hadn't thought of that.  I've been thinking it was something I picked up like norovirus, maybe from the gym, but yea. . . it could have been the bagged salads.  I'm done with them."

Good old mom.  

By the time I got home and had a soak and a shower, it was late afternoon.  Tennessee called to see how I was doing.  

"Good," I lied.  But I was better, and I wanted to try a drink.  It was stupid, but I poured a Campari and soda.  Campari is good for you gut, they say.  I hadn't eaten.  I was getting hungry.  I cooked up some brown jasmine rice and put it in a pan with eggs.  Easy on the stomach.  It was too hot to eat outside, too muggy, so I turned on the television and watched the Trump News Show.  Big mistake.  Earlier in the day I made another which was to write to my conservative buddy about the cost of homeowner's insurance in my home state.  It has almost quadrupled, and people can't afford to insure their homes.  Every major insurer has pulled out of the state and Governor Wannabe Prez has done nothing.  What pisses me off most, though is that nobody is talking about the real reason for the price hikes.  The media will talk about Global Warming and the disastrous hurricanes, but that really isn't it.  The majority of damage has come to new houses built in marginal places--drained wetlands, etc.--that stupid or corrupt politicians have let greedy developers build for tremendous profit.  None of this should have happened, but neither the politicians nor the builders bear the burden.  It is left to the insurers and homeowners to share the cost.  You won't hear this, however, in the media.  

I've spoken at city counsel meetings before, though, and know the ruse.  It is useless.  Developers ALWAYS win.  Maybe not immediately, but eventually.  

But I wasn't finished.  Oh, no.  As way leads to way, I began to opine about the ultra wealthy and their not so secret organizations like the Federalist Society (link) whose wealthiest members determine who will be chosen to run for public offices, who will be appointed judges, etc.  

Yea.  I went goofy.  I know better.  It is not like anyone is going to go, "Oh.  Huh.  See. . . I didn't know that.  O.K. then.  I agree with you." 

Nope.  They are going to invoke Antifa or BLM movements.  

Meanwhile the media feeds us a constant stream of sideshows--exploded submarines, drug addicts murdered by police, belittled transgendered people, etc.  Oh. . . and now they recognize climate change, too.  They tell us that it is really hot this summer.  

I'll blame it on my illness.  But I can't do it.  I have to stop.  There is no winning.  There is only frustration and disappointment. 

My gut is still a noisy thing, but the pain is not nearly as intense.  Perhaps I am going to survive.  But my head. . . I don't know.  Sitting alone with this has not been good for me.  I am feeling very low.  Unreasonably so.  No. . . again, it is reasonable, I think.  

Final note.  That Herzog documentary on Bruce Chatwin was one of the worst things I have ever watched.  It was terrible.  I'm done with Herzog.  I'll not be duped again.  

I need to walk before it gets too hot.  I will do another short gym workout as well.  And maybe today I will try to eat.  But you know. . . I need to lose weight, so. . . .