Saturday, November 11, 2023

Anger but Mostly Grief

This is one of the last images I have taken with my Leica M7.  It is among the last images I will ever take with that camera.  I am sick with anger but mostly grief this morning.  Once again, for the second time in seven years, my car was robbed of its contents which included three Leica cameras with lenses, a Fuji X100V, and a Ricoh GR.  Replacement costs:

Leica M7--$3,700
Leica Monochrom--$3,400
Leica CL--$1,000
Leica M 35mm Summicron--$2,000
Leica M 35mm Summicron--$2,100
Minolta M Rokkor 28mm--$250
Ricoh GR ii--$600
Fuji X100V--$2,000


Yup.  I'm fucked.  For some who suppress resentment for my casual, easy, braggadocios lifestyle, there may be a guilty feeling of joy.  Not joy, exactly, but some little feeling of something.  For those who outright resent me altogether, of course, it is a moment for celebration.  

Those are awful things to say, but I am hot with bitterness right now.  Other people's pain, you know. . . whatever.  

"But for the Grace of God. . . ."  

Surely there is a feeling that he likes you more than he does me.  I am getting to be pretty sure that is true.  I have had nothing in my life but trouble for awhile.  I am the luckiest hillbilly, I often say.  There is that.  Most have never owned a Leica let alone multiples.  Twice.  These were all replacements for the cameras I had stolen last time.  

OK.  It's my fault.  Why am I leaving these in the car?  Once again, as happened last time, the key fob has been funky.  I think it is because the driver's side door won't close properly due to hinges warped from years of me leaning on the door arm rest when I get out.  So yea.  

Of course last night I felt exhausted.  I sat on the couch in a daze, then went to bed at nine.  I took nothing to sleep, so didn't, or at least did only fitfully.  I finally got up at 4:30. My head hurts.  Maybe I'll go back to bed at dawn.  

I have other cameras.  Leicas are a fetish, sort of.  The Ms just feel so nice in your hand.  They are works of art and technology that no other cameras come close to.  You can make images that are just as good with other cameras, and really with much less work.  But it is not the same experience.  And nothing matches those Leica lenses.  There is no smaller film or full frame digital system available.  And no other camera turns people's heads like the Leica M, either.  

O.K.  Enough.  This has no impact on your life.  I'm done.  But this is all I have to write today.  No, that is not true.  It is just all I can bring myself to write today.  I could write about the lack of someone here to hold my hand and rub my head and succor me.  That might cheer some people up, too.  But that is unfair.  I am still feeling the victim, of course.  I wasn't lucky to have that equipment.  I sacrificed other things to have them.  Most people have better cars and more trips to resorts.  Better shoes, better clothes.  I've been driving an antique and buying cheap clothes from China.  

Fuck me.  Just fuck me.  There is no music today.  There may be no music for awhile.  I'm like a wounded animal snapping at anything that comes near.  

* * *

Shit.  I left off a camera.  Leica M10--$4,500.  


Sicker than before. 

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