Thursday, March 26, 2015

Mojo No Mo'

And when the Mojo is gone. . . it isn't only romance.  I mean E_V_E_R_Y_T_H_I_N_G gets fucked. 

Yesterday while I was in a meeting, a man walked into my office and stole my iPhone.  My secretary and another woman saw him come out of my closed office.  It wasn't locked, but the door was closed.  "He was a tall black man," my secretary said.  "I mean, I didn't want to profile, you know?" 

Nope.  He was in my office when the door was closed.  Cold-cock the motherfucker. 

Whatever.  I had to rush to the studio to meet another model who didn't show up.  That's three nights in a row now.  After an hour, I headed to the AT&T store to buy a new phone.  I've had two stolen now.  This time, I bought the insurance.  The fucking phone is over $700. . . but wait--on the new plan, you pay only. . . .  Nothing is straightforward.  I had to have a phone and I had to make a decision, so I did, but I am certain to have chosen unwisely.  That is what you do when you lose your Mojo. 

Oh. . . and in case you buy iPhones because they have a "find my phone" app--forget about it.  That doesn't work when the phone is turned off.  No shit.  So I called Apple Service.  After about fifteen minutes of technical questions, I asked the woman on the phone what she could do to help me find my phone.  Nothing, really.  I was able to delete all the data from the phone, or so it says, but who knows, really.  The goddamned thing is going to get jailbroke and have the SIM card changed out and it will be used on one of the crazy, cheap services that uses someone else's towers and no one will ever know. 

I spent the rest of the evening trying to synch my phone with all my other Apple products and tried mostly unsuccessfully to get back the apps I had paid for. 

I spoke before a group of people the other day.  They paid no attention to me. 

This has all happened since I got beautified.  I am starting to suspect the little Russian Jew.  I think she got jealous when I told her how hot I was.  She gave me a bad cut, but I think she put some sort of old world ju-ju on me, too. 

Now I can't even look people in the eye.  I just want to hide.  I'm hideous.  Even my clothes stopped fitting. 

I've been listening to iTunes radio for free for a long time now.  Apple is going to change that, too.  They are going to charge $10/month for Beats radio.  iTunes radio is going to be much more commercial.  They make me want to be a pirate. 

I forget how long it takes to get your Mojo back, but I think it is dependent on a lot of factors.  And sometime or other, I think it just leaves for good.

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