Thursday, May 26, 2016
You Could Get Your Teeth Broken
Apple called yesterday. Someone has tried to buy $6,500 worth of stuff online with my credit card. What a pain in the ass.
Which of you did this?
I may have told you that I have gone LED mad, but I don't remember. I bought some LED lights for the house. Some of them are solar powered outdoor lights. So far, they have not stayed illuminated through the entire night. I'll give them one more day to charge, and if that doesn't do it, I am taking them back. I am very disappointed. I thought solar charged LEDs were the thing, the future. They probably are. They just aren't the present, yet.
One more day at the factory, then the five-day weekend. I am beat, exhausted, worn out. . . all the words you can find for that. I move in slow motion. I haven't a life, I feel, just work. All about me are things that require my attention, but I just want to go see things. I want to go away. I want some clarity, and that only comes from travel, from distance, from freedom. All things, even a cat, wants to curb what you think, feel, and do. Work does. Family does. Lovers. Friends. Government. All the demands coalesce until you don't know who you are or what you want. You lose yourself in fulfilling all the demands.
Then you find yourself on the precipice of a breakdown.
Have you ever just walked and talked and taken pictures or drawn things? Have you ever lived without an external structure to your life, the only demands being food and drink and the rising and setting of the sun? It is too spooky for many, I have found. People like to be distracted from their thoughts and feelings. The other makes them spooky and lonely.
I should worry.
Sometimes I make bad decisions. Last night, I decided to put some frozen Japanese rice from Trader Joe's in a wok with some olive oil, and when it was ready add eggs. Sounded good. I don't think the eggs cooked. I think I diseased myself with undercooked eggs. My belly is a painful mess this morning. Note to self.
It is getting too summery here to photograph much. It is too hot. People are irritable. The light is too flat and undramatic. Only the beaches and springs are interesting, but I look like a creeper with a camera there. Maybe I will get a t-shirt that says, "I'm No Creeper--I'm An Artist!" That should palliate their fear and make them accepting of my lens.
Don't count on it. I have lost my nerve, I think. There is a famous surf contest this weekend, though, at a redneck beach not too far from my own hometown, and I might try walking around with a camera there. It is redneck, though, so I might get my teeth broken. That might be a real good deterrent.
It should work as well with thieves.