Sunday, August 13, 2017

All There Is

I bought the antique cabinet from India yesterday.  Placing it caused us to rearrange some things.  We hung some pictures, made a bar, got rid of clutter. . . and were happy.  We sat and admired the way things looked, feeling it as much as seeing it.  It was fun, a creative act, but I have to admit the liquor bottles look too tempting that way.

The afternoon brought a drizzling rain, just more than a mist, and we cooked a skirt steak and spinach and a garbanzo been and red pepper salad with feta cheese and garlic. We opened a bottle of good wine.

And the rains came, harder and harder.  Ili said she loved to listen to the sound of the rain, but I am always anxious since the hurricane that destroyed my home.

And then the water began to run through the cabinet and onto the floor.  My new roof, once repaired, was leaking again/still.

We loved decorating but the thing we decorated has a lousy structure.  I must fix it immediately, for the rains will not let up this summer but only intensify.

A low seeping adrenaline rush keeps hitting me, filling me with despair.  What do I do?  The roofing company now does not return my messages.  They are experienced at this.  They know what will happen, what it would cost me to have an attorney look into this.  They've bee through it before and they have calculated their costs.  If I am going to get the roof re-done now, I will need to pay someone to come and do it.

This is what I get, you know, for spending money.  It is not just the cabinet.  I bought another camera, too, one I have bought two times before.  The first broke.  The second was stolen.  And so I spend money and the God of the Depression, instilled in me by my parents, delivers tribulation upon me.  These troubles are of my own doing.

Or so it would seem, though it is not true that the trouble just began.  It is simply my spendthrift ways that have me worried.  Terrified, really.  It will not be long before I do not have my present income, and I have squandered everything I should have saved.

I will start working on the roofing issue today instead of going about with my new film camera as I had planned.  I cannot bring myself to enjoy anything now, not until this is taken care of.

I got up this morning and read about the troubles in Virginia.  These are horrible things, very much of our times.  They are not good times.  They look worse this morning.

All there is to do is to try to fix it.  That's all there is to do.

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