Monday, November 13, 2017


So here is one result of dropping my camera on the brick street and developing my own film.  Cool.

I did a much better job yesterday, though, developing two rolls of 35mm.  The film went on the developing reels without a hitch.  It took about an hour from getting the film on the reels to cutting and sleeving them.  I started scanning them while I watched t.v. last night.  I saved about $20 or so, but I don't have proof sheets, just negatives.  Still, my developing is better than theirs, and there is something satisfying about it.  It feels good to shoot film and then come home and soup it.

Until there is nothing any good on the roll.

But when there is. . . .

And here is the result of not having autofocus and shooting quickly.  I prefocus the camera and count on the depth of field scale on the lens.  Doesn't always work well, but still, there is something fun about the imperfections of the method.  Feels antique, I guess, in the age of perfect pictures.

I'm no fun right now.  I'm in the grips of something and I can find no real pleasure or happiness.  Yesterday was fairly terrifying.  The entire weekend, really.  When I went to dinner at my mother's house last night, she told me she missed Ili.  I know.  I wasn't being any fun.  I had to force conversation.  We are back to that.  "I guess there will be no more pajama parties," she said.

Nope.  Just life with grumpy, ma.

Maybe, though, it was just the mothballs I was trying to use to get rid of the rats.  My tenant said that there were rats in her attic, so I got some traps, some rat poison, and some mothballs.  My mother said mothballs would make them go away.  I hate dealing with this sort of thing and I quarreled with the tenant who only wants me to be a landlord when shit breaks.  I told her that, and I said she had a sweetheart deal on the rent.  When I put the mothballs in the garage, she complained, so I took them to my house and put them in the crawl space under the house.  Bad idea.  I woke with a headache and nausea like I'd never had.  I took a long walk and felt better, but after being in the house, I was feeling like shit again.  I took a shower and rode the Vespa and got some breakfast at a little diner, then went to the Cafe Strange for a fresh squeezed mimosa.

When I came home, I could smell the mothball smell in the house.  That had to be why I felt so shitty, so I got rid of those and put them in the garbage.

I don't have a headache this morning.  Jesus, people in China must feel terrible.  Everything I have ever bought from China smells like mothballs.

That got rid of the physical ailment.  Now I have to deal with the other.

I went to an Office Depot yesterday and heard Christmas carols.  Holidays used to follow one another.  Now they all exist at once.  I'll see if I can survive this one.

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