Here are the same girls from yesterday's post. See what I mean? This is what happens if you ask people on the street if you can photograph them. It turns into a FaceBook moment. Every picture has the same quality as the last. This is not the way to document the world. For now, at least, I'll keep shooting from the hip.
There is no denying it and no help for it. When a relationship ends, you just feel like a loser. Your self-confidence is stripped away. But how would I know that? I can only speak for myself. Others may feel liberated. It takes me some time. But day by day, a new old self emerges. It is painful, though, this transformation, and now it is particularly scary.
I realized last night one of the problems. I've never been alone in the house before. There has always been a dog or cat, and I now know that it makes a huge difference. Last night, I looked around for Bella the Cat. I wanted to say something to her, or maybe just say something. I guess what I was looking for was a reaction. I am realizing why people have pets. There truly is something about it. I don't want another pet, of course, for I want to be free to come and go as I please. I want to be able to travel without guilt. Having said that, though, I sure wouldn't mind having my dog or cat back. It almost makes me weepy.
On the traveling thing, though. I have a chance to go to Miami this weekend for a three-day street photography workshop Harvey Stein, but I have pretty much pulled the plug on it. Why? Oh. . . the weather is going to be bad. Art Basel is taking place, so the cost of hotel rooms has tripled and I would be staying in a very expensive dive that has a Tom's Peanuts and Crackers dispenser in the breezeway as an amenity.
And, apparently. . . I just want to stay home. I might as well get a pet.
Or a project. Which one, a pet, a project. . . a pet, a project. . . . Which would be more trouble? Which would make me happier?
Maybe I should decide to go to Miami in the cold rain.
Or maybe I should get an assistant. That is what I really want. Someone to scan all my negatives and to develop my film. Someone to organize all my files and prints. Someone who would do it just to be able to use my gear and be around such a genius as I. Yes, that is what I need, even more than a pet.
Maybe I'll put out an ad.
I think I'll start leaving my phone number on 4x5 cards with the message, "I want to photograph you." I'll just put it up in laundromats and convenience stores and anywhere else there is a community board and see what happens.
Sure I will. Sure.
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