Thursday, August 16, 2018
Baffled, Bewildered, and Bemused
This is the back of a woman's head in S.F. way back in the old days when I shot film instead of digital. I began shooting about 50/50 film/digital when I got my first digital cameras, first the Olympus E10 and then the Leica Digilux. With the purchase of the Leica M10, I hope to get back to the 50/50 mix. I mean, there is a chance that I will never shoot digital again now that I have made my most expensive camera purchase in my photographic life. I am more intrigued by the look of film now than ever before. That is just the way I am--pay money for something and never use it. Hell, this picture was taken with a Voigtlander R camera, the first new rangefinder that had come onto the market for many years back in the 'oughts. There was the Leica and the Voigtlander which cost virtually nothing. I bought it because I couldn't afford a Leica, and I loved that little cheap assed camera. It had screw mount lenses like the really old Leica's and could use those lenses, but the new Voigtlander lenses were so cheap, I bought those instead. I swear it was the perfect street camera. It weighed nothing. The lenses were tiny. And at the time, people wondered at it. Then one day after my divorce, I screwed up my courage and lost my mind and bought an M7. I should never have done that. I should have shot with that little Voigtlander until the day I died. Now way has led to way. . . .
There is never any ending to the laments of lost souls.
I have to rush this morning. An early day at the factory, big events, a public coming out for the new CEO. I have to be on from morning until late tonight. Such things make me nervous beyond reason. I must choose my wardrobe for the day. It is stupid, but the night before a day like this, I am anxious and sleep poorly.
Tomorrow is the same. Two days of work misery.
Last night, though, I got beautified. I will look a mess as I always do the day after the beautician gets hold of me. My hair just doesn't know how to be, doesn't know where it should go. She chopped a lot off, so I may have a hair helmet today. Whatever. Sitting and looking in the mirror for hours last night was torture enough. Disfigured by time and my own doing. The mirror is a hideous place.
The new camera arrives today by UPS, but nobody will be there to sign for it. This is a problem that I don't know how to solve. How do I get my package? I am flummoxed.
That is the state of my existence now. Baffled, bewildered, and bemused.