Friday, September 7, 2018

And It's Not Even the New Year

You know those mornings when you wake up and you think, "I'm going to change my life.  No more processed food.  I'm only snacking on nuts and fruits and vegetables.  Tahini and humus.  I'll eat a lot, but it will be good for me.  And I will do 100 pushups and sit ups before bed every night, and I will stretch every morning.  I will drink at least one gallon of water every day."  You think that, and you can feel your body changing, feel yourself getting healthier and happier.  And then you get another cup of coffee and some of that cinnamon ring you bought the night before.  When it is gone, though. . . .

That is my morning.  Exactly.  I stayed home from work yesterday and did nothing.  I barely ate, just soup, and I started feeling a bit better last night.  I think the belly stuff is almost gone.  I won't sound like the trombone and tuba sections warming up at the symphony any more. . . I hope.

But I will, I tell myself.  I will change everything.  That is what you should do when you are unhappy, right?  Change every routine you have fallen into.  Hell, it could be fun.

I might give up talking, too.  That probably causes me more trouble than everything else combined.  Almost everybody is "personally offended" by the least thing, and I am far from being the least thing.  What are we to do with people who know right from wrong, who have made up the narrowest of moral codes?  If Trump has his way, we'll all be in jail soon.  And if what passes for the left has its way, we might as well be.

Yes, I will change my diet and my communications.  I will drink water.  I will stretch and go for long walks.  I will sleep through the night.

And everyone will love me.

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