I've regained my appetite, and I guess that is a good sign, but it is not good. I was losing weight. Grief weight, I guess. But I am getting hungry. Maybe it is all the yard work I've been doing. I've been weeding the yard which means doing hundreds--if not thousands--of weightless deadlifts and squats. Today I went for a run. I can't run anymore, but I can do the old man trot to a certain extent. I almost made my first non-stop half mile since the accident today. Next time, I will complete it. I ended up running 1.5 miles and walking one. So maybe that gave me some hunger, too.
After running and weeding and spreading the weed and feed and showering, I wanted huevos rancheros. I Googled "huevos rancheros near me," and found a Mexican restaurant I don't like in a chi-chi part of town that served them all day. What the hell. It was only half a mile from my home. So I ordered a margarita on the rocks and the huevos. The margarita was ok, the rancheros not. It was greasy and the eggs somehow were both under and over cooked. I guess that is a feat in itself. I ate the chips and salsa, too, though the salsa was only a notch above hideous. But I ate and drank, then went home for a two hour nap.
When I got up, I went through my mail with a drink. It was mid-afternoon, but again, what the hell, I thought, it is the weekend and I am almost retired. I might as well do what I want.
I had stopped by the AAA a couple days ago and got maps and and an atlas. I looked through them plotting out potential routes. It was something like olden times.
Then I called Old Mom. I decided to go over and visit with her. We talked and laughed for about an hour. Good for her, good for me.
And then I was hungry. I was only going to make a small meal, but I went to the grocery store on my way home and went a little nuts. I ended up making a full meal with beef and broccoli and rice.
For now, I have switched over to G&Ts. I don't know why. I just have.
My buddy in Seattle sent me this.
Oh, yes. Chocolate and scotch might be good tonight.
I'm just telling you in my own way that I am feeling better today. I don't know if there is hope, but there is possibility.
But Jesus. . . if there IS hope, I hope that I don't start putting weight back on.