I'm bored. That is a dangerous thing. I am bored with Living with Corona Virus. I am bored with the frenzy. I am bored with avoiding the world, bored with worrying if the person sneezing in the same room is infecting me. . . bored, bored, bored. The weather is oppressively warm and humid for winter so that you seek something cool. Bored. I'm bored with not taking pictures, bored with not drinking enough, with drinking too much. Bored with not having opium. I'm bored with not making love, with not having women flirt with me, of not being whole.
"Only boring people get bored," they say. Bullshit. Interesting people who live in a boring world get bored.
I had lunch with my international travel ex-colleague/friend today. I shouldn't have, perhaps. He just came back from Australia and Thailand via Korea. He has been here six days and shows no symptoms, and he was tested today for Corona and returned negative, but who trusts that? I am not so concerned for myself (you can call bullshit on that--I am, too) as for infecting my 88 year old mother. She is old and I am a one-lunger, so it could be bad for either of us. He has come home looking for a job. He is rapidly running out of money. The world is not a good place to find employment right now. The rich wear hazmat suits in public (Naomi Campbell, Howie Mandel), while the poor watch the news. There will be nothing else to watch. Sports are out. I don't play video games, so there is not entertainment there. Luckily, I can read. But I can drink, too, and the two things are not working well together.
I am bored.
After lunching, my buddy and I walked up and down the Boulevard. There were many pretty girls and women. My blood quickened. My buddy is gay, so he did not appreciate the sights I saw, but he told me there were others. I hadn't noticed. Now suddenly, almost violently, I feel lascivious. I know what would relieve me of my boredom. What I want, however, is perhaps more than I should expect.
Still, one wants what one wants. In that, I am cursed.
Perhaps it is the weather.
Even my gay friend is sometimes shocked by my desires, and he is not a hand-holding, milk-drinking, Carnival Cruise Ship, Disney gay. His tastes are more San Fran. We have candid, fascinating discussions about our interests. His do not shock me, as weird as they may seem to some, though I am in no way drawn to them. I am interested in the psychological reasons we are drawn to one thing and not another. "Do you not like titties?" I ask him. Nope. "Do you not like that magnificent V?" Nope. He doesn't even like dicks. "But women have asses," I assert. Not interested.
How funny things are.
My far Eastern dreams are over for the year. Will I be man enough to pursue them next, or the following after that given the time it will take to find a preventative or a cure?
It will be tougher to play the home version, but I must try.
I think the world will burn before we have fun again. I hope I am wrong. I hope that April will bring a cessation and that a fun-starved world will begin to celebrate. But April is the cruelest month. You've heard that, right? If not April, perhaps May, and if not May, then yes, the world will burn.
Not as much, however, as I am burning now.
And I am bored.
That is a dangerous thing.
.* .* .*.
Once again, I wake up to a new reality. Suddenly, my area has many cases of corona virus. We went from zero to a bunch in a few hours. All the theme parks have shut. There is no way I'm going to the surf contest. I am supposed to go to dinner with a group from the factory tonight, but I think I might be wise to stay home given that I had lunch with my friend yesterday. I'm no longer bored. I'm worried. Nobody knows very much about this disease yet, it seems.
I have been too blasé.
I am changing out the photo that I was going to post today, a saucy reminder of sexy times in the past. It no longer feels apropos in a world going dark. I think of deleting everything I wrote yesterday, but somehow the evolution in a few hours seems reflective of the times.
I was feeling better. I was ready to head out, to get into the mix, to have some fun, to travel and make pictures and live life. This is a hell of a way to begin retirement. I hope this is not the way it ends.