Monday, May 11, 2020

It Is Monday. It Is Monday

I read an article this morning that disturbs me (link).  I have been struggling off and on, off and on.  I think I want to get an antibody test, though what the efficacy of knowing if you had the virus or not is, I am not sure.  There is no medicine to take, no therapies provided.  But somehow it seems that being able to link the way you feel to something might be psychologically beneficial.

Or not.

There are just a lot of days of feeling like shit.  I don't feel the way I used to.  But I've always felt that illness, however, is personally shameful.  It is anti-heroic.  You must hold back the tide.  You must overcome.

I have been sleeping much later than usual.  For many days in a row, now, I have not gotten our of bed until 8:00.  I haven't stayed in bed this long since I was a kid.  Maybe I am just learning that I needn't do anything, that the day is long.  Maybe it is my retirement mode kicking in.  I've decided to pass on doing the online work for the China factory this summer.  My mother said it was dumb, that I don't need to work, that I should just enjoy not working for awhile.  I've been not working for three months now.  It is the longest period of not working I've had in my adult life.  Many at the factory were off seasonally.  Not me.  I worked on through the year.  I'm beginning to think my mother is right.

Speaking of mother. . . I took a bottle of Cava to her house yesterday.  She had o.j. on hand.  Her widowed neighbors--88 and 92--came over and sat in the yard with her.  We all had mimosas.  Her friends were really happy to have one.  I made them weaker than a bartender would.  It was more the gesture, really.  As previously reported, I also got my mother flowers and a big bag of fertilizer.  What says Mothers Day better than fertilizer?

I've been staring for the last five minutes or so trying to think of a way to end today.  I've thought of nothing.  All that comes to me is, "It is Monday.  It is Monday."  Maybe I am developing some sort of  autism.  Who knows?  It may just be another symptom yet to be discovered.

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