Sunday, November 29, 2020



I should have taken more pictures like this one.  I am putting this up tonight as Mr. Fixit will be here bright and early as he was this morning which kept me from posting.  Things go slowly.  I am fucked and in the dumps.  I'll explain sometime. . . later.  For now, in case I can't write in the morning, there is this.  


* * *

It seems I have a bit of time this morning before Mr. Fixit arrives.  

I am breaking down.  There seem no positives in my life right now.  My routine has been exploded for over a month.  My house is a wreck of construction materials and dust.  I spend my days with Mr. Fixit, either gofering or hauling or simply making coffee or getting food.  And there are questions I must answer.  Too many decisions to make.  My health is failing me.  I won't go into it.  Mentally, I am exhausted.  I cannot hold things together much longer.  I see no lights at the end of the tunnel.  There is only tunnel.  

I remember being frivolous.  It was fantastic.  

I remember being in love.  

I read this morning that the number of suicides in a single month in Japan is now greater than the yearly death toll from Covid.  I read the article wanting to know the most common form those suicides take, but no such in formation was forthcoming.  The article pointed to Covid-19 stress as a major cause, this though Japan has never shut down.  The article spoke of social isolation, though.  Hmm.  More than 23,000 suicides per month in a country of 126,000,000.  That's million, not billion.  

Well. . . Mr. Fixit lied.  He has come early once again, so I must become the company factotum.  It is how I exist.  

No comments:

Post a Comment