Wow. That is all I can say. A team of house cleaners was here for three hours yesterday. They had very much construction dust to remove from my many, many shutters, from shelves, from every horizontal surface. There were things to move, to get under. There were big fan blades to go over. When it was all done, I came home to a clean house for the first time in six weeks. Last night, I slept in my own bed.
I had spent the entire morning straightening things to get ready for them. I removed much of the old decor. "Some" may be more accurate. Nevertheless, the house has not been this clutter free for many years. It feels a bit more spacious.
I had become so blind to the house that I hadn't any idea where some things were to go. I could not put them back out of sheer blind ignorance.
Now I must turn my attention to cleaning out drawers that have become stuffed with unrelated, uncategorized "things." The little that I have done has turned up old bills, automobile policy changes, toy racing cars, beads, broken glasses. . . .
I'm learning to let things go.
I woke this morning fairly thrilled. And then, making coffee, I filled with dread. I do not want to dirty anything. I am not good at cleaning. Not at all. I smear more than clean. I don't know. Maybe I can learn. But I am lazy, an eighty percenter. I get most of the spill or dirt or grime up. I know that the last twenty percent will take the majority of effort. I say I'm bad at it, but it is sheer laziness. A clean and organized life takes a lot of effort. You have to begin early in life. My mother did all that when I was a kid. I had no idea. I guess I thought it was faeries.
They did not follow me into adulthood.
The new shower is wonderful. I am happy with my decision. I even have a new towel hook. Small things.
And so. . . I look forward to today more than I've looked forward to a day for a long time. I must prepare for my mother's birthday tomorrow, but I don't mind. I will be able to exercise today. I will get to take a walk. I can even throw out my yoga mat and stretch once again. I can get back somewhat to my more healthy lifestyle.
But the terror is not over. There is still too much to be done. It is only that now it is outside the house. For the most part. I can put off the other interior stuff for a while. And Mr. Fixit begins his vacation travels in a few days. He will be gone through the holidays and beyond. I haven't gotten done what I originally brought him over for, but both of us are worn out for now. We both need the break.
This morning has been thrilling. The coffee was wonderful. The non-hurried perusing of digital news, the sips of hot coffee, the feeding of the cats and the breaking of the grey morning light. I will go to the grocery store now. I think that I will make a hearty cabbage soup, or maybe a white bean stew. I will get some luxuries.
For the moment, at least, I am slouching toward something akin to. . . well, I dare not say "happiness," but something better than despair and sadness. Just for the moment, but I'll embrace that.