It Feels Like Salmonella

This photo is a good representation of how my life feels right now.  Feel that?  Irritating, right?  There is a beauty and a horror all wrapped up together both life affirming and life denying at one and the same time. 

It is a lovely picture of a derelict thing.  Technically.  Aesthetically.  Still, it makes my saliva taste like anguish.  

So yea. . . my life is lovely and derelict, thank you.  

Each day, now, I take a walk with a camera.  I try to shoot a roll so that I can come back and experiment with development.  Of late, I am walking with a medium format camera since a roll of film has only 12 exposures.  Easy to finish.  Yesterday, I tried standing development for the second time.  The first time it didn't work, and I lost two rolls of 35mm film--72 exposures.  I thought that the developer was too old, but after ruining other film with a different developer by not measuring correctly, I realized it was the identical problem.  I tried it again yesterday.  I used the correct amount of developer--10 times what I used previously--and it worked out GREAT!  There is still a magic in developing film for me, every time.  

The photos are much like what I have shown today. 

I also tried an experiment with color film, but the developer was too old and nothing came out.  Mixing new chemicals and trying again today.  Many fingers crossed.  

I'll be showing all my messed up results here eventually.  I've been scanning them for days but haven't had a chance to do any post-production.  

I got an email this morning.  I am soon to own a new camera.  

It's a real pip.  I ordered it at the beginning of the year.  It is shipping in a few days.  It weighs only 3.5 lbs, so it will be easy to haul about.  I hope.  There is a lot of gear that goes with it--tripod, film holders, hood. 

I hope I've not made a mistake.  

I worked in the yard yesterday for about two hours.  I put seed in the bird feeders.  I made sure to wash my hands afterwards, but I feel like I have salmonella today.  Not feeling well at all.  Maybe it was the chicken skewers I grilled last night.  I don't know.  Whatever it is, it hit me in the middle of the night.  I don't know yet how well I will be functioning today.  But I am determined to do "the photographic thing." I need to burn some film, mix chemicals, and develop.  

I mean, how else will I get beauties like this?

The road to hell, they say, is paved with unmade photographs.  I have so many that have not been made, I'm sure to walk a long road.  

Stories, too, I think.  Unwritten stories.